Holly Young Sudduth launched hit podcast “Every Widow Thing” in the aftermath of unspeakable loss.

Holly and Toby were inseparable from the moment they met. 

Their love story started at Texas Tech University and lasted “till death do them part” as vowed. Both graphic design majors, their relationship was as authentic, silly and original as they were. 

Their lives were dedicated to creating. From their careers to their family, everything they touched became a little more beautiful. That collaboration ended abruptly the day Holly was invited to sit in a small hospital conference room – the kind you never want to be in.

In the aftermath of unthinkable loss, Holly is still creating. Not through graphic design as much anymore. Her latest project is a podcast called “Every Widow Thing.” She and three friends talk about life after death. They welcome listeners to their widows’ circle where trauma meets humor, and they realize they can not only survive, but thrive. 

Texas Tech 

Holly Young was raised in Plano, Texas. Her father was a home builder and designer, and Holly loved tagging along to building sites. She worked for her parents’ company in high school and took pride in the creative parts. As it came time to attend college, she wanted to stay in Texas. After visiting Texas Tech’s campus in Lubbock with her mother, she knew she had found her new home. She wasn’t entirely sure what to study, but an adviser talked with her about the university’s graphic design program, and she was hooked. 

As the city girl moved to West Texas, a Lubbock native named Toby Sudduth also was enrolling in the graphic design program. Toby’s father, James Sudduth, was the director of the “Goin’ Band From Raiderland.” Toby’s whole family had attended Texas Tech and were avid Red Raiders. 

Toby started at Texas Tech with his best friends, John Gerena and Matt Morrow. The three attended school together since middle school and were connected at the hip. 

“I remember being initially shocked by Toby,” Gerena said. “Toby had a weird sense of humor and was sarcastic. I don’t think we got along right off the bat, but Toby has a way of growing on you.” 

Morrow remembers Toby as outgoing and charismatic. 

“He was the life of the party,” he said. 

Toby lived in Coleman Hall, not a long walk from the art building. He and his friends would all crash in Toby’s dorm since it provided the shortest commute, which also meant the most sleep. 

A few blocks away in Wall Hall, Holly had become fast friends with Kimber Garrett. 

Garrett said Holly was reserved. While funny in her own way, she was quieter than Toby. Garrett also was a design major and had noticed Holly, noticing Toby. One night when they were out at Fast & Cool, a local stomping ground for students at the time, Garrett decided to take it upon herself to introduce the two. 

“Toby had attended high school with my brother, and we had a few classes together at Texas Tech, so I knew him,” Garrett said. “I went over to him and said, ‘Look at the girl over my shoulder. She’s cute, huh?’”

Toby agreed and the introduction was made. 

“They were inseparable from the night they met,” Gerena recalled, who also had been at Fast & Cool that evening. “You could tell they were immediately attracted to each other.” 

Their friends said Toby and Holly brought out the best parts in each other. Garrett said their personalities merged and became even more full of life. 

“They were so much fun to be around,” Morrow added. “They were smitten with each other, but the energy they had was shared with those around them. It was special.” 

The group of friends remembers many all-nighters pulled in the design studios. They were studying before computer software became a staple of graphic design. They had to paint their own text and type. Even with the stress of impending deadlines, the friends remember those nights as some of their fondest memories at Texas Tech. 

Toby would often take paper and other materials and create little cards for Holly. She still remembers the first one she ever received from him. 

“It was Valentine’s Day, 1989, and I had been sick,” she recalled. “He brought me this really sweet card with heart confetti he’d made and flowers.” 

Holly still has that card. 

Tying the Knot 

Toby was two years ahead of Holly in college. He decided to stretch his studies out another year so they could enjoy more time together. Toby’s dream was to move to California and work for Primo Angeli, a pioneer in the field of graphic communications. When Toby put his mind to something, there was no stopping him. 

“Toby got an unpaid internship with Angeli in San Francisco,” Holly said. 

The opportunity couldn’t be passed up, but Toby’s early career consisted of sacrifice. Gerena moved out to San Francisco with his friend, and they split a one-bedroom apartment.

“I think we paid $750 for that place, which in the early ‘90s was a lot of money,” Gerena laughed. 

Holly also moved to the Bay Area after graduating from Texas Tech. The young couple busied themselves paying their dues in the industry they loved. Toby was focused on packing design and Holly was in the giftware industry. 

After working for Axion Designs for many years, Toby was offered a position as a senior designer for Primo Angeli and Holly landed a job with The Gifted Line. Holly rose through the ranks and was invited to design a U.S. Postal Service Love stamp. 

Toby and Holly were building the life they’d dreamed of as college kids. The final piece was officially tying the knot. In 1995 the couple got married surrounded by friends and family. Holly recalls how handsome Toby looked in his black tuxedo and dark blue ascot. Holly wore a white lace gown that had swooping, off-the-shoulder sleeves. She looked like a vision from a Shakespearean love story. 

Their marriage was a celebration of everyone’s favorite couple. Gerena, Morrow and Garrett were all in the wedding. It was one of the best days of Holly and Toby’s lives. 

In 2002 the couple welcomed their first son Gabe. At that point, Holly was freelancing, and Toby had launched his own company, Sudduth Design Company. In 2005, the couple found out they were pregnant again. 

“We were living in a cute but very small house,” Holly said. “I remember thinking, ‘Where are we going to fit a second baby?’” 

Their families were both back in Texas, and with Toby building a roster of his own clients, they felt they had the freedom to relocate. So, the family loaded up the moving truck and moved to Austin. Zach was born two weeks later, completing their family. 

Toby did well enough that Holly could work on projects she enjoyed, but otherwise stay home with the boys. Gabe and Zach were active kids who kept her busy. Toby’s company took off and he was designing packaging for brands like Deep Eddy’s Vodka, Cliff Bar, Krusteaz and White Mountain. He won multiple awards for graphic design and was featured in Graphic Design USA. He also had multiple logos published in Logo Lounge along with work in Wired and Texas Monthly. 

They loved being closer to family, too. Holly’s parents lived in Texas and attended plenty of baseball and basketball games. 

Toby and Holly were living their dream. 

The Accident

As the boys got older, their dedication to sports picked up. Zach was part of a baseball league that played all around the Austin metropolitan area. 

“We carpooled with other parents because it was a lot of driving,” Holly recalled. 

Zach’s team had a practice in Dripping Springs on March 2, 2017. It was Holly’s turn to drive, but Toby insisted on taking the boys. So, Holly stayed behind and took Gabe to his game instead.

“I had made dinner in the crockpot because we were busy that night,” Holly said. 

Holly and Gabe had returned home – still no Toby and Zach. At first, Holly didn’t think much of it since Dripping Springs was a 45-minute drive. She figured they’d be home soon. 

The clock struck 9 o’clock and still nothing. The crockpot was placed on the warm setting. As Holly was adjusting the temperature of dinner, her phone rang. She expected to see Toby’s name on her screen, but it was the mother of one of the boys in the carpool. 

“My friend Lauren whose son was in Toby’s car, called and said there’d been an accident,” she recalled. “She said we needed to get to the hospital.” 

A good Samaritan at the scene had helped the boys out of the car and called Lauren on her son’s phone. 

Holly grabbed Gabe and they got in the car. Even though she knew how to get to the hospital, she was drawing a blank. Gabe had to help her turn by turn. As they arrived at the hospital, the parents of the three other boys were coming in too. No one knew anything, and no one knew where Toby was. 

“I knew something was wrong though,” Holly said. 

Zach had not arrived yet; he was being life-flighted in. While she waited, a hospital employee invited Holly into a small conference room, the kind you don’t ever want to be in. 

“They told me Toby did not survive,” Holly said. 

Holly’s whole world seemed to move in slow motion. Information was speeding by, but her reality wasn’t moving quick enough to keep up. And yet, she had the boys to think of. In that moment, all she could focus on was keeping them safe. 

While they waited for Zach to arrive, Holly sat with Gabe as the hospital staff told him his father had passed away. 

“That was the worst moment of my life,” Holly said. 

But there wasn’t time for either of them to become lost in their sorrow because Zach arrived shortly after. He was unrecognizable – he had a broken spine, a fractured arm and multiple broken bones in his face. The other boys in the car were in similar shape: critical, but alive. 

It would be a few days before the authorities shared information about the accident with Holly. She learned a drunken driver had hit Toby’s car head-on, and that he had turned into the impact to shield the passengers.

“It seemed he absorbed the hit to save the boys,” Holly said.

As their friends became aware of Toby’s passing, they were in shock. But not one of them was surprised that Toby made a split-second choice that saved the kids.

“That’s who Toby was,” Gerena said, pausing to get the words out. 

A Blur

For the days and weeks that followed, Holly was in a daze. 

“I was focused on Zach,” she said. 

He had a long road to recovery and Holly couldn’t fall apart. Her boys needed her. It took days before the gravity of what happened hit her. 

“The first time I came home and saw our family pictures, I lost it,” she said. 

There were many little moments she allowed herself to fully grieve, usually when she was on her own. And in the early days, those moments were few and far between. She was back and forth between her house and the hospital where Zach was being treated. Then there were things to consider like the funeral. Because the driver who hit Toby had also died at the scene, there were questions and legal issues to settle as well. 

“It was all a blur,” Holly said. 

One thing that stood out during that blur though, was the love and support she received from family and friends. Gerena remembers flying down for the funeral, which he spoke at. 

“There must have been 400 people there,” he recalled. 

Everyone felt Toby was their best friend. He was incredibly loyal, and his friends say he was a force of positivity. That’s one thing Gerena tries to embody. He said he can’t remember, in all the years of knowing Toby, him ever having an unkind word to say about anyone. 

“Now, I try to be as positive and not judge anyone too quickly because Toby was like that.” 

Every Widow Thing

In the years since Toby’s death, Holly and the boys have felt every emotion possible. 

Anger, denial, grief, sadness, confusion and fear. 

Holly decided to forgive the woman who’d caused the accident. 

“That took years,” she said. “I was angry for so long, but eventually I decided to forgive her. Obviously, I couldn’t do that in-person since she had died too, but with the advice of my therapist, I wrote her a letter which helped with the process.” 

Gabe and Zach struggled with the loss of their father; he was their role model. But they  persisted and have grown into young men Holly knows their dad would be proud of. She says they exhibit an enormous amount of empathy for others’ and understand loss in a manner that’s caused them to fully appreciate life. 

In the months after the accident, Holly was introduced to her friend Lacey. Lacey was a widow and had been for more than five years. Keira, who lives in the community and knew Lacey, reached out to Holly because she lost her husband on the same highway two years before, also due to a drunk driver. A few months later, Holly met Whitney through her son’s school counselor. Whitney shared a similar experience. 

The four of them formed a friendship. They’d check in on one another and get dinner together. They’d laugh and tell stories of their husbands. They understood each other on a level others could not. 

Whitney was a stand-up comedian, and so every time they’d get together, they’d be howling laughing. This might sound odd for a group of widows, but they say sometimes you just have to laugh so you don’t cry. 

But there was crying, too. Whenever the friends get together, if nothing else, there’s authenticity about wherever they are on their own path. Some days that’s a heavier place. Sometimes it means laughing over trying to figure out online dating.

One night at dinner, they joked someone should record their conversations. Whitney had done radio work and knew how to record a show, and the idea went from a musing to a tangible plan.

What if they were to make a podcast for other widows? 

“I’m the quietest of the group so the idea was out of my comfort zone,” Holly said. 

But when she told Gerena and Garrett about the idea, they cheered her on. 

In spring 2023, Holly and her friends launched “Every Widow Thing.” The synopsis reads: “Four Austin moms, four dead husbands. A podcast where trauma meets humor, and you are reminded that you can not only survive grief but thrive in spite of it.” 

The highly-rated show covers all manner of topics and creates a safe space of belonging for listeners who have lost loved ones. It’s been part of Holly’s healing journey too. 

“We wanted to do something with these tragedies,” Holly said. “If we can help other people and show them they can still be happy, that makes us happy.” 

One of Holly’s favorite parts of hosting the show is reading the messages that come in from other widows around the country. Sometimes it’s a simple thank you for helping them get through another day. Sometimes it’s someone telling them what a lifeline the show is and asking when another episode will come out. 

And with episode names like “Ashes, Ashes, What to Do with Ashes,” “Grief, Gratitude and Anderson Cooper,” and “Dating App Horror Stories from the (Widow) Hood,” it’s an easy show to binge. 

Holly’s newfound purpose has been a blessing that’s gotten her through the harder days. 

“Toby’s birthday and our anniversary will always be tough,” she said. “That’s never going to change.”

Holly said grief never goes away, but it does get smaller as you build new memories. She has spent time doing exactly that with Gabe and Zach, and they’re now building their own memories in college. 

As Holly helped them move, it was impossible not to think back on the memories she’d made with Toby at Texas Tech. Their first date, their shared love of design, and their friendships are cherished memories she’ll always hold dear. 

“If I had known what was to come, I wouldn’t have believed I’d survive it,” Holly said. “But I have survived.”

She created something beautiful out of tragedy.

You can follow Every Widow Thing on social media and listen to the show on all podcast platforms.